The Cranks are out for Christmas!

[tiggymalvern]

I just got a call from The Dove Foundation asking for my support. Sometimes it's lovely and therapeutic to be able to tell people exactly what you think of them and their mission and their moral standpoint. Though out of respect for their delicate little sensibilities, of course, I did so entirely without swearing.

Their website does at least provide a certain level of entertainment at the inanities of small-minded people. Reviews such as the one of For Your Consideration, which the reviewer says throughout is a fantastically witty satire, and ends with, 'However, due to the language, we cannot recommend this one.' Language that consists of one each of 'hell', 'ass', 'Jesus', 'Oh my God' and 'fuck'. Oh, and there are scenes of casual drinking - how appalling!

Fascinatingly, this organisation gives its seal of approval to Jet Li's Fearless; because of course, although the movie was made so Jet Li could kick the crap out of people and fight with swords, importantly nobody swears in it. And there's not a hint of sex or nudity.

The best one, though? The best one has to be the review of Rocky Balboa. The reviewer enthuses about the story of triumph over adversity, about the main character's humble spirit and strength of character, about the demonstrated 'Respect for God and Jesus through prayer and scripture.' And then concludes with 'however, there is one GD (that's goddamn to those of you unfamiliar with Dove parlance) uttered by Paulie in a fit of anger. While many people might consider that term to accurately express the passion of the moment, Dove always draws the line at "Biblical profanity."'

Clearly it's important to draw your lines steadfast and true! Amusingly, this of course puts Rocky Balboa in the same 'not approved' category as 'Crank', which is 'totally unbelievable, profanity ridden with the "F" word being the favorite choice, and has no redeeming value at all which I can think of.' Oh, and don't forget the gratuitous sex in a public street XD

And just in case anyone hadn't quite got the message, the reviewer says of The Fountain, 'I must say, I am a science fiction fan but this movie lost me from the very beginning.'

Well, of course. Because if you had any level of intelligence or ability to think beyond what you're told, you wouldn't be a member of Dove, would you?

Comments

[tiggymalvern.livejournal.com]

Yeah, got it late last night, thanks! Replying to that is next on my list now the house insurance guy's gone.

[kiri-moth.livejournal.com]

Hello, Dove Foundation? Jewish movie? Of course there's drinking! The Jews are all about drinking.

Crank was hilariously stupid and lots of fun. I want to see it again when I'm really really drunk because then it'll be that much funnier.

I really enjoyed The Fountain. It wasn't the most brilliant sci-fi ever, but it was beautifully filmed, the story was interesting, and the acting was well done.

[tiggymalvern.livejournal.com]

Crank was fun trash. It could easily have been better trash - I think some of the potential in the idea was a little wasted in one or two places. It's not a classic action movie, but I've certainly whiled away time through worse films XD Have you seen District B13? If you liked Crank, you'd probably like that too.

The Fountain looked gorgeous visually, and the directorial choices were brilliant, but I wouldn't expect anything else from Aronofsky. Hugh Jackman did a fantastic job with his character. I just wish there'd been a little more to the film. The main problem is, for me at least, that the journey the character has to undergo is clear after the first hour, and the rest of the film just... feels like waiting for Tom to come to the same conclusion. There's nothing to left to reveal, just sit back and watch the inevitable, and I would have liked a subplot B to keep up some tension during that time.

[kiri-moth.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the Fountain could have handled more *stuff* in it, but I really enjoyed what was there.

[alcina2.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the link. I was particularly entertained by the warning offered for HP and the Goblet of Fire: Drugs- potions are taken many times.

I'm also astonished that RotS is apparently fine for family viewing. Apparently cutting your best friends arms and legs off and leaving him to burn to death is OK, then. So is blasting people out of skyscraper windows, and blowing up Greivous.

How do they figure this, then?

[tiggymalvern.livejournal.com]

Interesting bunch, aren't they? I'm so glad they phoned me up and asked me if I agreed with their views *eg*

I've never got the 'violence is fine, but blasphemy is a terrible sin' attitude myself. In fact, I've never got the whole swearing thing at all - some Victorian guy decided that 'fuck' was an offensive combination of letters, and we all have to abide by it or cause gratuitous offense? It's a word, at the end of it all, and doesn't even have the group-specific connotations of, say, a racist slur.

Come to that, I've yet to meet the human being mature enough to deal with mass murder by automatic weapons, but who needs to be protected from the concept of consensual sex between adults or risk being scarred for life.