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Dec. 31st, 2025 03:49 pm
I'd almost forgotten how cathartic writing some characters can be. Nobody unleashes the inner bitch quite like Sands 🤣
Writing again
Dec. 25th, 2025 08:29 amThat person who went through my sprawling 230k epic a few weeks ago, commenting in detail on every part, made me go back and read the whole thing again myself. Twice. And we've been chatting back and forth a bit more, and I'd always intended there to be one more part to that story to finish it off, but I stalled on it a few thousand words in.
But now I'm all inspired again, and giddy and excited, and I'm back working on a WIP I abandoned in 2009. The best readers are absolute gold ❤️
(Though the timing could be more convenient. Since it's Christmas and I have stuff to do today, which will not be postponed regardless of the fact that I only slept for four hours last night because my head was alive with scenes and bitchy Sands dialogue.)
Anyway, Season's Greasons to all those who do this holiday, in whatever form 🎂
But now I'm all inspired again, and giddy and excited, and I'm back working on a WIP I abandoned in 2009. The best readers are absolute gold ❤️
(Though the timing could be more convenient. Since it's Christmas and I have stuff to do today, which will not be postponed regardless of the fact that I only slept for four hours last night because my head was alive with scenes and bitchy Sands dialogue.)
Anyway, Season's Greasons to all those who do this holiday, in whatever form 🎂
Writing and the WIP
May. 14th, 2023 05:12 pmI now have a completed first draft, yay! I suspect it's rough as a dog's balls, especially the sex parts, but I'll have to figure that out when I come back to it with a fresh eye. I'm having to balance so many elements here - it has to be awkward and a bit weird, because it's a first time threesome, and it has to be funny, because Fiona and Sam are in the same bed, and it has to be hot, because why else would I bother to write thousands of words of porn?
Then in the middle of this poly sandwich I have repressed and emotionally constipated Michael, and it's a good thing he's attracted to flirty extroverts or he'd never get laid at all. (Although, there's also an argument to be made that who Michael's intrinsically attracted to might be largely irrelevant, when demented, flirty extroverts latch onto him and refuse to let go XD)
So I'm coming up against the question of when less is more and when it's okay to wax lyrical as people get all wrapped up in each other, and... I honestly haven't had to think about that in years. When you're writing Hannibal fanfiction, the answer to the question of when the prose is too purple is, 'Absolutely never!' because Hannibal and Will are just Like That. And now I'm back to writing in a fandom where the characters talk something like normal human beings instead of an over-educated thesaurus, I have to find that line again.
When I finished the draft of Redline, I was happy it was pretty clean, but this time I'm really wishing I had a beta for this fandom. I don't suppose any of my trusted fellow travellers are able and willing to volunteer?
Then in the middle of this poly sandwich I have repressed and emotionally constipated Michael, and it's a good thing he's attracted to flirty extroverts or he'd never get laid at all. (Although, there's also an argument to be made that who Michael's intrinsically attracted to might be largely irrelevant, when demented, flirty extroverts latch onto him and refuse to let go XD)
So I'm coming up against the question of when less is more and when it's okay to wax lyrical as people get all wrapped up in each other, and... I honestly haven't had to think about that in years. When you're writing Hannibal fanfiction, the answer to the question of when the prose is too purple is, 'Absolutely never!' because Hannibal and Will are just Like That. And now I'm back to writing in a fandom where the characters talk something like normal human beings instead of an over-educated thesaurus, I have to find that line again.
When I finished the draft of Redline, I was happy it was pretty clean, but this time I'm really wishing I had a beta for this fandom. I don't suppose any of my trusted fellow travellers are able and willing to volunteer?
Plan C it is, then
Mar. 25th, 2023 02:22 pm
Why is my fun porny threesome turning into an example of the worst possible ways to fail to negotiate polyamory?? You people are all disasters.
Decisions and Travels
Dec. 20th, 2022 01:11 pm
I decided the best way to get the Burn Notice fic out of my brain is to write the bloody thing. It's only going to be short, so it won't take too long, though it does involve some research. I could skim over that stuff and ignore the detail, except once again I'm writing for a fandom stuffed with incredibly detail-oriented characters (and then there's me, yes, I'm detail-oriented too). So the fic is currently slightly under 2000 words and I have a bunch of open Firefox tabs.
All of this will be interrupted by the fact that it's Christmas in a few days, and I'm off on a diving trip on December 28th, so it won't get finished until mid-late January. Then I'll have to hope there's someone among my trusted people to beta a no-sex BDSM fic in a small fandom for a series that ended in 2013. Heh. (Yes, there'll be a readership of about 10 for this thing. Why am I fussing over the details again? Because I'm me, that's why.)
In other news, I was over in the mountains yesterday for the Cle Elum Christmas Bird Count. There was a foot of snow, with more falling through the morning, and it was cold. 12F to 18F through the day (-11 to -7C). It looked beautiful as always, but those conditions don't inspire the birds to be active, and the only places we found any numbers were at feeders or farms (also feeders, albeit unintentional ones). But as we said at the time, data of low numbers is still data.
( A few photos )
All of this will be interrupted by the fact that it's Christmas in a few days, and I'm off on a diving trip on December 28th, so it won't get finished until mid-late January. Then I'll have to hope there's someone among my trusted people to beta a no-sex BDSM fic in a small fandom for a series that ended in 2013. Heh. (Yes, there'll be a readership of about 10 for this thing. Why am I fussing over the details again? Because I'm me, that's why.)
In other news, I was over in the mountains yesterday for the Cle Elum Christmas Bird Count. There was a foot of snow, with more falling through the morning, and it was cold. 12F to 18F through the day (-11 to -7C). It looked beautiful as always, but those conditions don't inspire the birds to be active, and the only places we found any numbers were at feeders or farms (also feeders, albeit unintentional ones). But as we said at the time, data of low numbers is still data.
( A few photos )
Writing is....
Feb. 7th, 2022 08:51 pm
When you spend many hours over several days investigating the process of getting a driving licence in Switzerland, and Swiss universities and the subjects they specialise in and the application processes and deadlines for them as a foreign national, all because you're writing a murder family story in which Will and Hannibal flee to Switzerland with Abigail.
And then you wonder if anyone would actually care if you got the minor details of that stuff wrong.
And then you think, goddammit, I would care!
And then you wonder if anyone would actually care if you got the minor details of that stuff wrong.
And then you think, goddammit, I would care!
Author Meme
May. 5th, 2021 01:56 amRules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favourite opening line. Then tag 10 authors!
I'm not tagging anybody - do I even have 10 followers who write on here any more?? But I thought it would be a fun exercise to do, and if you think so too, jump right in.
1. He wraps his tie around itself, his hands following the long-familiar pattern.
2. It comes back in the Norman chapel in Palermo.
3. He stops inside the doorway of the barn and takes off his glasses to fully see the body hanging from the rafters.
4. It began as an interesting experiment.
5. Everything burns.
6. The door closes behind him.
7. He turns off the faucet and habit has him reaching for the razor, until his eyes meet his altered reflection.
8. He closes his eyes and tips his head back against the curved wood of the chair.
9. He closes the door at the end of the hour and Will Graham is gone.
10. The words circle around him, over and over, sing-song in pitch, demanding his attention.
11. Light spreads from the ground floor windows into the damp chill of the evening.
12. He associates this house with music.
13. The dinner Hannibal serves is exquisite, small rounds of meat arcing across the china, crowning the fan of asparagus.
14. The raindrops spatter heavy against the windshield, the wipers sweeping back and forth to erase the marks of their passing, steady and hypnotic.
15. He waits until their lunch is over before he broaches the subject.
16. He wakes up, and he remembers.
17. The key is warm from his pocket, the doorknob a chill contrast in his hand.
18. Will leans back against the countertop, his palms flat against its surface, fingers wrapping around its corners.
19. The address borders a small town on the slopes west of the city, situated to catch the mountain breezes during summer.
20. When he first wakes up, it’s not for long.
As a bonus, have the opener from my (mostly) active WIP:
She goes for the phone while he’s in the shower.
And I've just discovered that I've published 20 Hannibal fics. Huh. I wouldn't have thought it was that many.
Patterns - well, I do like to keep those openers short, don't I? Short and not very revealing! Also I'm pretty allergic to using names. Only one of the twenty gives you the POV character.
I've chosen the opener to The House That Jack Built as my favourite, because that one really sets a dramatic scene from the word go :-)
I'm not tagging anybody - do I even have 10 followers who write on here any more?? But I thought it would be a fun exercise to do, and if you think so too, jump right in.
1. He wraps his tie around itself, his hands following the long-familiar pattern.
2. It comes back in the Norman chapel in Palermo.
3. He stops inside the doorway of the barn and takes off his glasses to fully see the body hanging from the rafters.
4. It began as an interesting experiment.
5. Everything burns.
6. The door closes behind him.
7. He turns off the faucet and habit has him reaching for the razor, until his eyes meet his altered reflection.
8. He closes his eyes and tips his head back against the curved wood of the chair.
9. He closes the door at the end of the hour and Will Graham is gone.
10. The words circle around him, over and over, sing-song in pitch, demanding his attention.
11. Light spreads from the ground floor windows into the damp chill of the evening.
12. He associates this house with music.
13. The dinner Hannibal serves is exquisite, small rounds of meat arcing across the china, crowning the fan of asparagus.
14. The raindrops spatter heavy against the windshield, the wipers sweeping back and forth to erase the marks of their passing, steady and hypnotic.
15. He waits until their lunch is over before he broaches the subject.
16. He wakes up, and he remembers.
17. The key is warm from his pocket, the doorknob a chill contrast in his hand.
18. Will leans back against the countertop, his palms flat against its surface, fingers wrapping around its corners.
19. The address borders a small town on the slopes west of the city, situated to catch the mountain breezes during summer.
20. When he first wakes up, it’s not for long.
As a bonus, have the opener from my (mostly) active WIP:
She goes for the phone while he’s in the shower.
And I've just discovered that I've published 20 Hannibal fics. Huh. I wouldn't have thought it was that many.
Patterns - well, I do like to keep those openers short, don't I? Short and not very revealing! Also I'm pretty allergic to using names. Only one of the twenty gives you the POV character.
I've chosen the opener to The House That Jack Built as my favourite, because that one really sets a dramatic scene from the word go :-)
The Writer's Progress
May. 4th, 2020 06:32 pmThe weekend was productive. On Saturday I finished the first draft of my story for the next Murder Husbands Big Bang, which won't be published until November, but I had to start writing it to be sure it would all hang together, and once I'd started, it was easier to carry on and finish it. Plenty of time to edit then!
On Sunday I finished the first chapter of my Mizumono spin-off Murder Family fic, which has been hanging around as a dialogue skeleton for about two years now. That chapter's only 2000 words shorter than the Big Bang fic and all I've done is establish the premise, which is one of the reasons I've kept putting it aside to write shorter stories (and ones with actual deadlines). This thing is going to be loooooong. But I dragged together the first scene of chapter two this morning as well, so maybe this time there's hope it won't stall again so badly.
Every now and then I go back through my folder of old abandoned WIPs and read through what I have, and I did a bit of that again last week. Each time I do that, the one that haunts me the most is the Gundam Wing fic I started writing close to twenty years ago now before I got distracted by other fandoms. (The Anime Writers' List on Yahoo Groups was still an active place when I was writing that fic, that gives some idea of the era...) I still really like what I had for that, and I think it was about half done, and maybe I should go back and actually finish it?
Of course I'm pretty sure nobody's reading Gundam Wing any more (although I still get comments and kudos on my Trigun fics from teens who were babies when it came out and have just discovered it) and I'd have to go back and actually rewatch Gundam Wing to remind myself of what happend. I remember enough to know that the plot was never what you'd call entirely coherent. (One of the benefits of writing Duo Maxwell POV there is that Duo's not really interested in the finer points of the politics anyway, so the holes there can be cheerfully brushed over.) But there have only ever been two characters who have made me write in first person, both of them guys who seem to have a constantly running inner monologue of dry observations on absolutely everything around them, including themselves, and one was Duo and the other was DS9's Garak. Sarcastic is so much fun to write!
( And as a reward for anyone who bothered to read this far... )
On Sunday I finished the first chapter of my Mizumono spin-off Murder Family fic, which has been hanging around as a dialogue skeleton for about two years now. That chapter's only 2000 words shorter than the Big Bang fic and all I've done is establish the premise, which is one of the reasons I've kept putting it aside to write shorter stories (and ones with actual deadlines). This thing is going to be loooooong. But I dragged together the first scene of chapter two this morning as well, so maybe this time there's hope it won't stall again so badly.
Every now and then I go back through my folder of old abandoned WIPs and read through what I have, and I did a bit of that again last week. Each time I do that, the one that haunts me the most is the Gundam Wing fic I started writing close to twenty years ago now before I got distracted by other fandoms. (The Anime Writers' List on Yahoo Groups was still an active place when I was writing that fic, that gives some idea of the era...) I still really like what I had for that, and I think it was about half done, and maybe I should go back and actually finish it?
Of course I'm pretty sure nobody's reading Gundam Wing any more (although I still get comments and kudos on my Trigun fics from teens who were babies when it came out and have just discovered it) and I'd have to go back and actually rewatch Gundam Wing to remind myself of what happend. I remember enough to know that the plot was never what you'd call entirely coherent. (One of the benefits of writing Duo Maxwell POV there is that Duo's not really interested in the finer points of the politics anyway, so the holes there can be cheerfully brushed over.) But there have only ever been two characters who have made me write in first person, both of them guys who seem to have a constantly running inner monologue of dry observations on absolutely everything around them, including themselves, and one was Duo and the other was DS9's Garak. Sarcastic is so much fun to write!
( And as a reward for anyone who bothered to read this far... )
Random Rambling on Writing and Hannibal
Jun. 6th, 2019 04:55 pmSex scenes and fight scenes are always the ones that are a real slog for me to write. Dialogue comes to me in a flash when I'm hiking, or in bed, or doing yoga, or driving to work, whole scenes with words and setting and the nuances of the characters' mannerisms, and then I have to rush to scribble it all down before it escapes again. Mental stuff like dreams and imagery and characters' thought processes magically arrive in the same way, and it's all so easy and fun.
There are a few components of sex scenes and fight scenes that do that - any bits of conversation during sex, or the initial concept behind it, like the idea in Direct Current that this is an angry sex scene with Will trying to provoke Hannibal into fighting him so he can remind himself he's doing this to catch the Chesapeake Ripper, not falling in love with him. But in the end both sex scenes and fight scenes come down to the minutiae of physical detail, of exactly whose hands are where, how undressed they are, or how someone moves around an injury. There's no way that's coming as divine inspiration - it just has to be worked through, step by step, move by move, one sentence after the next keeping track of exactly what stage we're at and trying to make it all sound interesting and exciting at the same time. It's hard work!
Unsurprisingly, that means those scenes tend to be written towards the end, after all the inspirational stuff is done. I have these great, glaring gaps staring at me, that I then painfully add 200 words to over the course of an hour, then another couple of hundred the next day.
I finally finished the last sex scene in my current WIP last night, and it's such a relief to have that done and out of the way. I ended up with one more sex scene than I originally thought, because my annoying brain decided it would better illustrate character progression and how Will changes around Hannibal.
I still have the big fight scene waiting for me, though. And I'm working through all these stills of Hannibal's house, piecing together where everything is, and OMG, Hannibal, why do you have so much stuff? Multiple weird objects on every available surface, and I have to look at all of them through the eyes of a character who canonically weaponises a tea towel....
There are a few components of sex scenes and fight scenes that do that - any bits of conversation during sex, or the initial concept behind it, like the idea in Direct Current that this is an angry sex scene with Will trying to provoke Hannibal into fighting him so he can remind himself he's doing this to catch the Chesapeake Ripper, not falling in love with him. But in the end both sex scenes and fight scenes come down to the minutiae of physical detail, of exactly whose hands are where, how undressed they are, or how someone moves around an injury. There's no way that's coming as divine inspiration - it just has to be worked through, step by step, move by move, one sentence after the next keeping track of exactly what stage we're at and trying to make it all sound interesting and exciting at the same time. It's hard work!
Unsurprisingly, that means those scenes tend to be written towards the end, after all the inspirational stuff is done. I have these great, glaring gaps staring at me, that I then painfully add 200 words to over the course of an hour, then another couple of hundred the next day.
I finally finished the last sex scene in my current WIP last night, and it's such a relief to have that done and out of the way. I ended up with one more sex scene than I originally thought, because my annoying brain decided it would better illustrate character progression and how Will changes around Hannibal.
I still have the big fight scene waiting for me, though. And I'm working through all these stills of Hannibal's house, piecing together where everything is, and OMG, Hannibal, why do you have so much stuff? Multiple weird objects on every available surface, and I have to look at all of them through the eyes of a character who canonically weaponises a tea towel....
My Fic Roundup for 2018
Jan. 1st, 2019 12:40 am2018 was definitely a less productive year for me in writing than the last two years have been. Looking at AO3, I have:
High Voltage at 6,756 words (that one's actually a cheat, it was basically written in 2017 and edited and posted in 2018)
Direct Current to finish off the Bad Connections series at 23,662 words
The Promise - 3,440 words
A Growing Obsession- 2,449 words
A Litttle of What You Fancy - 800 words
Even including High Voltage, that's 37,107 words of published fic, compared to a shade over 100k in 2017.
It's not as bad as it looks though! I wrote my fic for the Ravage zine, which I'm not allowed to show you yet. And its longer continuation, which obviously has to wait. And three ficlets for various fanzines associated with Red Dragon Con 5, which are still secret. So there's another 20,000 words in there - still paltry by some people's standards, but I was hit by a number of Real Life busy things in 2018 that meant writing wasn't the only thing I didn't get around to doing like I normally would have. Under the circumstances, I'll take it!
High Voltage at 6,756 words (that one's actually a cheat, it was basically written in 2017 and edited and posted in 2018)
Direct Current to finish off the Bad Connections series at 23,662 words
The Promise - 3,440 words
A Growing Obsession- 2,449 words
A Litttle of What You Fancy - 800 words
Even including High Voltage, that's 37,107 words of published fic, compared to a shade over 100k in 2017.
It's not as bad as it looks though! I wrote my fic for the Ravage zine, which I'm not allowed to show you yet. And its longer continuation, which obviously has to wait. And three ficlets for various fanzines associated with Red Dragon Con 5, which are still secret. So there's another 20,000 words in there - still paltry by some people's standards, but I was hit by a number of Real Life busy things in 2018 that meant writing wasn't the only thing I didn't get around to doing like I normally would have. Under the circumstances, I'll take it!
My brain has been eaten by porn
Jul. 2nd, 2017 08:09 am
Writing fanfic has always been a disjointed process for me. I have no concept of how some people can start at the beginning and write through to the end. I write scenes in the order they solidify in my head, piecing the whole lot together bit by bit as more of the gaps fill themselves in. And through all the fandoms I wrote in for so many years, there was a pretty clear pattern that the hardest sections to write, and thus the last to get written, were the action scenes and the smut.
Except for the Hannibal fandom. The action-heavy sequences still get written last, and they're definitely perspiration, not inspiration. But apparently with these two guys I'm all about the porn. The sex just writes itself effortlessly, and it keeps on writing, until some kissing and 69-ing grows to over four thousand words. Worse than that, I'm even writing sex scenes for scenarios I'm never going to actually put in a fic, because they camp there in my head, and I can't get back to writing the plot for my WIP until I've got them out of my brain.
I've been trying to figure out why this is, and I think it's because these two guys are almost never just having sex. One or both of them always has an agenda, an ulterior motive that goes beyond an enjoyable orgasm, and sometimes it's successful and sometimes it's not, but they never stop digging in one another's brains. It's practically a compulsion for them to poke at each other and see what happens. Even when you've got them shacked up together in domestic bliss with too many dogs, they don't stop playing games. Maybe they would after five years or so when they've finally run out of corners to dig in, but it's interesting to play with the ideas inbetween!
Except for the Hannibal fandom. The action-heavy sequences still get written last, and they're definitely perspiration, not inspiration. But apparently with these two guys I'm all about the porn. The sex just writes itself effortlessly, and it keeps on writing, until some kissing and 69-ing grows to over four thousand words. Worse than that, I'm even writing sex scenes for scenarios I'm never going to actually put in a fic, because they camp there in my head, and I can't get back to writing the plot for my WIP until I've got them out of my brain.
I've been trying to figure out why this is, and I think it's because these two guys are almost never just having sex. One or both of them always has an agenda, an ulterior motive that goes beyond an enjoyable orgasm, and sometimes it's successful and sometimes it's not, but they never stop digging in one another's brains. It's practically a compulsion for them to poke at each other and see what happens. Even when you've got them shacked up together in domestic bliss with too many dogs, they don't stop playing games. Maybe they would after five years or so when they've finally run out of corners to dig in, but it's interesting to play with the ideas inbetween!
